jaded

i m jaded..
i m tired..
i m talking to a wall..
i need a comforting hug..
i need understanding..
that's all..

.Sharon.iPhone.

best.fren

i always thought lifetime partners r like best frenz.. they talk to u,
advise u, comforts u when u cry, supports ur every decision n simply
juz b there always..

i knew we had sm kinda communication issue bt i always thought we can
work / iron it out.. bt lately, i've become to realise dat u simply
isn't of e same communication wavelength.. i tell u A n u mistook it
for Z.. yes, it's dat bad..

i juz can't stand this n m feeling v suffocated.. i've feelings which
i can't release.. i've thoughts which i can't share.. i actually feel
lonely, emotionally lonely..

he doesn't see to my emotional needs n i believe he nvr will.. he's
too full of himself dat he can't see others.. it's juz weird to me dat
he nvr learnt fr his lesson..

i'm getting v drained n exhausted.. hw can i b cooped in e same place
w sm1 who dun even bother to understand hw i tick..

i'm jaded...

freakin'.shitty.day

i guess today cld b labelled as e shittiest day of my entire life!

first, i was shown attitude by my hubs while i was leaving for work..
on e way to work, i was slammed by my boss..
upon reaching office, i received news that 3 colleagues r on MC..
then 3 hrs into work, e carpark barrier was banged!

obstacles within 4 hrs..  imagine my emotional turmoil!!!!

PB

it's gng to e time of e year again!  pb is gng to come!  heehee~  on my list of 'things i wanna get' r:
1. a DSLR (prolly a 500d, kit 1);
2. mattress for home;
3. printer (to replace that ediotic brother printer);
4. new epilator

bt i'm still deciding if i shld get all e items on e list or to select one or two for nw..  i shall decide when i see my pb..  heh heh~

but, more imptly, after taking e pb, shld i leave?  leave as in find another job..  i'm still pondering..  i'm still weighing e pros n cons..  meantime, i'm checking out e different organisations on e vacancies..  like what e daily msg fr god app in fb, leave those i can't control, in god's hands..  i'll juz look ard n i believe smthing will tell me if it's time to leave..

i juz nid u to b supportive n understanding towards e kinda things i
like, e way i do things, e way i see things, e way i handle things.. i
noe yr comments mayb beneficial to mrebt haf u ever thought wat is
that i wan or why is it i m this way?

when u came out, i was supportive of ur realistic ideas bt threw those
wild ideas out. i put trust in u dat u noe wat ya doinv n i hope one
day, i'll feel e same kinda support fr u.,

i'll b honest.. i'm used to my kinda lifestyle n nvr had e habit to
save.. i dun like a life full of scrimping n saving dat's y i landed
myself in where i m nw.. who doesn't wanna live a life which money is
nt an issue?? yes, u work like hell bt at least i'm happy w hw they
pay me (though i still think i'm being shortchanged)..

to me, u've made a wrong move in coming out fr where u were coz it
meant tighter on e belt. for me, i wld haf luv to go bak to teaching
if nt for e miserly pay n dat we haf tons of other commitments.. tell
me hw.. think of e whole picture n nt juz based on a single thing..

i'm nt complaining abt my working hrs, m juz hating my current scope
of work. so if u think ur too tired of fetching me den pls stay at hm
n let me come hm on my own. i haf legs n ez link card n sg has buses
to bring me hm..

sigh.. i juz nid sm1 to tell me, 'i respect n support u in watever u
do'.. rather, i juz nid u to say that to me sincerely..

.shazy.i.

twenty.ten

it's a brand new year!  hw time fliessssssssssssss~

twenty.ten marks e 1st anniversary of DLS too!  it felt it was juz weeks ago that we had our ROM party..  keke~  to celebrate our anniversary, we decided to have dinner at where we solemnised our wedding - goodwood park..  u noe, smhw anniversary dinners are supposed to be romantic n all?  ours was quite cute..  instead of e usual western cuisine n etc, we had porridge buffet!  kakakaka~  weird eh..  bt ok la, it's e thought n ocassion dat matters..  =)

i've been feeling jaded ovr my work..  smhw i dun seem to enjoy wat i'm doing..  i dun like a/c bt i'm forced to do so..  i dun like reports bt i've to do so..  i dun like mundane daily tasks bt i'm obliged to do so..  *sigh*  it juz hit me, we're all juz working to survive..  y then do i compromise myself?  recently, sm stuff also made me see e ugly side of things..  i dun see y i shld still b worrying ovr my work every other day n slogging my asses out juz to b at e discretion of others?  it's sad coz i once thought so highly of this place n really enjoyed my stay..  mayb it's e new env..  i dunno..

haf been making sm thoughts abt my future bt gotta think real carefully on wat i really wan..  i juz wan job satisfaction n one that pays well..  true, there's no job that allows both thus i'm still thinking..

o wells, let's juz wait till e pb comes n decide fr there..

-sianz-

suddenly, i dun feel i'm enjoying my work nw. dunno y.. *sigh* it juz struck me.. smhw, it's mundane.. every xxth of e wk, i've to submit this.. then e xxth of e wk, i've to submit that.. then it's time of e mth to do e a/cs.. it's a cycle.. everything is a cycle..

say e same things, explain e same matters, key in e same data.. *sheeeesh*

but who can i blame? no one.. i chose dis path.. who can i niam to? no one.. i chose it myself, so y niam to anyone? no one can understand anyways..

even if smthing new landed on my open arms, i'm bound by tons of stuff.. i'm juz e secretariat.. e robot to juz absorb instructions and carry it out, from a - z..

mayb i'm feeling emo rite nw.. bt i hope i can get bak dat vibe whereby i look forward to work.. o, i enjoy e company n e team dynamics bt it's juz e work.. cld it b a sign for me to look outside?

gotta get my engine heated up for e upcoming events on 20 dec.. yea, juz 17 days n nothing is done.. tell me abt it.. i even had to cancel my batam trip so that things are in place.. n nex week, there's internal audit by a super on-ster.. sigh!

i nid a lyfe.. so looking forward to my leave bt then again, baby's nt gng to b in town.. which means i've to take care of e house! *faint*

*drags me foot*

.yellow.

it juz struck me dat i prob haf a thing for yellow.. well, not yellow clothings or food or watsoever.. probably yellow characters wld b apt! hahaha! y do i say so? here's y..

when i was younger, i adored tweety bird (yes, dat fella dat goes, 'i tawt i taw a puddy tat! i did i did!').. then nw, i'm into pooh & spongebob!!! heh heh~ i dunno hw it happened but it juz did.. my workstation is currently flooded by spongebob balloon (kudos to baby), spongebob whacko (kudos to stan), spongebob calendar (kudos to xiao hei), spongebob post-it (kudos to xiao hei again!) n sm spongebob toys.. not forgetting ah pooh's cup, ah pooh's handphone holder, ah pooh's toys too! goodness.. it's becoming more toys r us than a workstation BUT i LURVE IT!

oh, n i wanted to get e 400% spongebob bearbrick but then i felt it looked too spastic.. buahaha! n i realised they have e same one in 100%!! so probably, i'd juz source ard for e 100% (less spastic).. kaka~

anyhws, i'm juz blabbering coz i haven quite updated my blog for sm time n juz wanted to update it a little.. heh heh~

so, in 6weeks time when ur thinking of wat to buy for my bday, i believe u haf a better picture eh? hahahaha!!!